


Three Birds Diverged in a Yellow Camero... I'm Not Sure That's How the Story Goes, Hold On...

by MKZ4345



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bulimia, Epilepsy, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:34:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKZ4345/pseuds/MKZ4345
Summary: It hasn't been long since they saved the world. Magnus still loves Taako. Taako is still putting up with things that have haunted him since before the IPRE. Kravitz is trying his best.[PERMANENTLY UNFINISHED/ABANDONED]





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is bad writing in some places, and in some places I absolutely hate it, but I'm posting it in an attempt to continue practicing writing and putting in out there. It's an unpopular ship, lots of looking into how complex trauma can be, and really a fake case study for a really messed up person who's getting no professional help. Some medical things don't make sense, there's hardly any humor, at least to me, and I wouldn't be surprised if someone yelled at me after I post this. It's not great. But some points I really like what I did, and in some parts I had such a great time exploring certain aspects of their characters.  
> I'm still bad at writing for Kravitz, so I'll keep practicing that.
> 
> [UPDATE ABOUT THIS STORY]  
> I will not be continuing this story! I'm sorry if you enjoyed reading it and were hoping for more, but I just don't find it fun to write this anymore. It's bad, to put it short. To put it long, I dislike how I went about a few things, I don't like how a few scenes came out, and I meant to stop at the third chapter but didn't because people seemed to think there was more to come. Well, now I have decided to post the last finished chapter I have and mark it abandoned.  
> However! I will be posting more TAZ stuff, I have lots on my computer that I'd like to post since it's finished. I'll be posting a lot soon, just not this story.  
> Sorry again, but thank you for reading regardless!  
> (7/9/18)

If you’d asked him, Magnus would swear he hadn’t meant to go to Taako and Kravitz’s house that morning. He meant to go on a quick run, and get a shower and another nap in before starting his day. He certainly didn’t mean to knock on their door at six in the morning, or as Taako would have said, “the ass crack of dawn.” So, when Kravitz opens the door and is surprised for a total of two minutes before moving to the side to let him in, Magnus doesn’t move immediately. It takes seeing Taako, seeing him and remembering, that’s what causes him to come inside. Not dramatically, just taking a few steps into the house so that Kravitz can close the door and stop letting the heat out.

“You’re up early,” Magnus says to Taako, surprised to see him awake before noon.

“Yeah, and you’re out on a run?” Taako eyes his outfit of choice, a tracksuit. “Like some kind of… Functioning person?”

“Sort of,” Magnus chuckles.

Then there’s more silence. And Magnus hates it, because they used to be so quickly able to speak to each other. Before remembering, Taako could hold a conversation with him for hours, possibly days. After they remembered, Magnus felt there was too much silence. Too much time to think, too much nothing.

Kravitz is a life saver though, feeling the growing strange tension in the room and asking, “Magnus, would you care for some coffee?”

“Oh, sure!” Magnus turns to him. “Thank you.”

“It’s no trouble,” Kravitz says, nodding and walking toward the kitchen. Somehow, this gives Taako a thoroughfare to finally speak again.

“So, why did you stop by?” He asks, grabbing a blanket from the couch to wrap himself in.

“I-…” Magnus stops himself because he finally realizes he has no idea. He tries to stop himself a second time, but the words fight their way out, “I missed you.”

Taako doesn’t visibly change, but Magnus can feel the change. He can’t tell if it’s a good change.

“I just,” Magnus starts, more words tumbling out before he can stop them. “I was taking a run and I kept thinking and remembering and I remembered the first time we met at the IPRE and I got all weird so I guess I just came here and… I missed you. I’ve missed you since we saved the world, I wanted to give you time because of all the shit that happened and I know it’s only been like two weeks but I missed you.”

This time, Taako physically changes. The whole time Magnus was talking he began bending forward, and soon Magnus realizes it’s him doubling over. Soon Magnus can hear the trembling breaths and see the shaking shoulders. And Magnus wastes no time in hugging him, pulling him tightly against his large chest and trying not to seem overly happy about how Taako clutches the back of his shirt.

When Kravitz comes back with coffee, he looks strangely relieved, abandoning the coffee tray and making his way over to the two of them.

“It’s about time,” Kravitz says, confusing Magus further. “I was wondering when this would happen.”

“Uh, sorry?” Magnus tries, thinking maybe he did something wrong. The second he tries to pull back from Taako, though, the elf grabs at his hair and tugs him back.

“He’s been miserable for the past two weeks,” Kravitz explains, petting Taako’s hair. “At first I thought it was just him being tired or lazy, but then it didn’t stop after the first three days of sleep.”

“He slept for three days?” Magnus’ jaw drops a bit.

“Is that not normal?” Kravitz looks suddenly sheepish.

“Well,” Magnus starts, and he remembers. He remembers the times on the Starblaster when one of the twins would die and the other would spend that cycle alternating between sleeping, crying, and trying to kill themselves. “Not entirely, no.”

“I had no idea…” Kravitz stares worriedly at Taako.

Suddenly, Taako shoves them both away, startling Kravitz and frustrating Magnus. Taako uses the blanket to wipe his eyes and coughs a few times to clear his throat.

“Fucking,” Taako coughs. “Fucking leave.”

Kravitz says, “Why?” at the same time Magnus says, “No.”

“I can’t stand you.” Taako looks up at Magnus, eyes red and angry.

“I’m sorry.” Magnus takes a step toward Taako.

Kravitz watches in awe, realizing that something bigger is going on right now.

“You are the worst.” Taako takes a step back, growling.

“I don’t mean to be.” Magnus takes another step forward.

“I hate you.” Taako stops, hitting the wall.

“I love you.” Magnus stops too, realizing what he said and realizing what they’re doing.

It’s identical to the first time they admitted to each other that they felt more than friendly. The same thing happened, save for Kravitz being there. They had been on the Starblaster, Magnus had been cleaning and Taako had been pacing. It didn’t seem unusual at the time, but Magnus knew now that it was because Taako was freaking out. He felt feelings and Taako doesn’t really understand feelings sometimes. Magnus had questioned him, Taako had yelled at him, and Magnus had been patient and careful until eventually Taako started crying. Then, somehow, everything got easier.

Kravitz watched this exchange and all but took notes on how to deal with this side of Taako that he had never seen before.

Taako stayed pressed against the wall for a good minute, but soon gave in and rushed forward to hug Magnus again, fresh sobs ripping their way out of his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Taako stutters. “I don’t hate you, you’re not the worst, I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Magnus shushes him, turning to Kravitz and waving him over. Kravitz quickly moves over to them. “Taako, you should go back to sleep.”

He’s sobbing too hard to say anything, so he simply grabs his hair again. Magnus sighs, and decides that they have to sit down somewhere. Both Kravitz and Magnus guide Taako over to the couch where Magnus is pulled against his will onto the couch and is soon acting as Taako’s body pillow. Kravitz leaves them there a moment before returning to hand Magnus his cup of coffee. Magnus gives a thankful look and takes a careful sip from where he sits almost horizontal on the couch.

For a while, this is all they do. Taako cries a lot into Magnus’ chest, Kravitz rubs slow circles on his back, and Magnus sips his coffee. Soon, the coffee is gone, and Taako starts angrily but tiredly banging his fist on Magnus’ chest. Magnus learned quite early on that Taako goes through waves of emotions rather quickly.

“Fuck,” Taako sniffles, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Fuck this and fuck you and fuck everything.”

Magnus simply waits, a small smile on his face now.

“I hate this,” Taako whines, finally collapsing onto Magnus, completely limp. “I hate feelings, why do I have them.”

Magnus hugs him tight and says, “Feelings are natural, and you can’t do anything about it.”

Taako blows raspberries and then says nothing. Kravitz looks relieved again, and starts to gather Taako’s hair together and out of the way of his and Magnus’ faces.

For a while, it’s just Magnus holding Taako, Taako probably falling asleep, and Kravitz tying Taako’s hair into a very messy bun to be out of the way. In this bout of silence, Magnus thinks about how unfair this must be for Kravitz. He hates the idea of feeling like he knows more about Taako than Kravitz does, and wonders if what he’s doing is okay. But the way Kravitz still stares lovingly at Taako, and the way he looks overly and completely grateful at Magnus takes some fear away. Perhaps it’s silly to feel worried that he’s going too far. Kravitz hear the Song too, surely that included some fact about Magnus and Taako. Magnus clearly remembers Lucretia walking in on them in the kitchen while they were originally making hot chocolate and ended up making out covered in cocoa powder. She had said nothing, taken a cup of hot chocolate, and simply turned the fire off. That had to be in her notebook somewhere, he knew Lucretia too well. She liked having blackmail material sometimes.

When the sun is finally fully up, and the clock in Kravitz and Taako’s room goes off, Kravitz going to shut it off, Taako finally stirs.

He had absolutely fallen asleep, and drooled on Magnus’ jacket. He sits up a bit, cracking his neck and staring down at Magnus. Again, Magnus doesn’t see any change in Taako, but he feels it. Something switches, and something snaps. Taako doesn’t move or even acknowledge the snapping, he simply stares down at Magnus.

“We’re gonna have to talk about this, Taako.” Magnus says. Taako sighs, long and dramatic. It makes Magnus feel better.

“I guess.” Taako concedes.

Kravitz returns, delighted to see Taako is up again. He leans over the back of the couch and says, “Now that you’re up, can you please take a shower, love?”

Taako looks up at him, planning to say something nasty, (Magnus can tell, his nose twitches and his right eye squints just a bit) but he stops to just stare at Kravitz. Then, he looks back to Magnus. Then to Kravitz again.

Taako almost starts crying again before Magnus can quickly sit up and hug him again, saying, “Taako, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” Taako fights the hug, new tears pricking in his eyes. “I’m horrible, I’m the worst, I’m evil!”

Kravitz starts fussing over him, coming around the couch to also hug him.

“No, stop hugging me, stop being nice!” Taako thrashes, that’s the only way Magnus can describe it. “Stop, please!”

Magnus stays still, so Kravitz stays still. Soon enough, Taako is limp again, grumbling to himself and gently knocking his head against Magnus’ chin.

“Taako, you’re not evil,” Magnus starts, patting his back. “You didn’t know.”

“But I do now.” Taako almost growls again. “I didn’t then, but I remember now!”

“And so do I,” Magnus tries, but he’s not talking about Magnus anymore.

“Kravitz doesn’t deserve this!” Taako shouts suddenly, finally worming his way out of their embrace. “Kravitz doesn’t deserve to have me if I’ve already-…”

Magnus sits up straight, looking at Taako slightly irritated.

“Already what?” Kravitz asks, standing to continue comforting Taako. To Magnus’ surprise, Taako lets him.

“I’m already his…” Taako covers his face, crumbling to sit on the ground and try not to exist anymore. “You don’t deserve to be with someone who’s already given away their heart.”

“Taako,” Magnus starts, crouching down next to him. “You don’t ever give away your whole heart. You never even give pieces away.”

Taako just grumbles again.

“When you let others into your life, your capacity for love grows.” Magnus rubs his shoulder. “Julia taught me that.”

Taako slowly looks up to stare at Magnus at the mention of his wife. Taako can’t decide if he feels better or worse, but he decides on better when Kravitz kneels down with them, a huge smile plastered on his face.

“Taako,” Kravitz says, cooing gently and causing Taako to freeze. “I love you very much, and the fact that you love Magnus too does not bother me.”

Taako looks up slowly, carefully.

“I’ve been alive too long. Monogamy is an old, old ideal.” Kravitz pats his head. “You should be free to love whoever you do, in some ways I can’t do anything about it. But I want you to know I’m okay with it, if that’s what you’re worried about, love.”

Taako sniffles, then looks back at the ground, staring blankly and thinking. Magnus can tell he’s thinking real hard.

“So…” Taako clears his throat. “So now what?”

“Now,” Magnus says, standing up. “You have to take a shower.”

“What, why?” Taako looks up at him tiredly.

“You clearly haven’t showered in the past two weeks, so it’s time to wash up.” Magnus puts his hands on his hips, doing his best imitation of Taako. This earns him a snorted laugh and yet another huge smile from Kravitz.

“Fine…” Taako stands up and stretches his arms over his head, realizing too late that Magnus is reaching for him. He gets tickled mercilessly, trying to escape in his gasping laughter but getting pinned by Kravitz who also begins a tickling assault. 

There’s a moment, after their tickle fight, with Taako taking heaving breaths and almost literally beating Kravitz for aiding in the attack, where Magnus feels happy again. He hadn’t realized he wasn’t happy until he was happy again. It hadn’t just been since they saved the world, either. Magnus realizes in this moment that he hasn’t been happy since Julia died. And before that, he hadn’t been happy since before Lup disappeared. Magnus quickly locked this happiness away so that he would never lose it again, in the form of throwing Taako over his shoulder and dragging him kicking and screaming to the bathroom to take a shower. Kravitz watched on, laughing as well.  
Magnus felt happy again. Taako wouldn’t admit it, but he also felt happy again. And Kravitz was the happiest he’d been since he had fallen for Taako.


	2. Bouts of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's hard. It just is. But other times it's so, so good to have someone with you.

They hadn’t meant to take a shower together, but when Magnus checked on Taako about three minutes into what should have been his shower and found him leaning over the toilet like he was about to throw up Magnus was understandably unwilling to leave him alone again. So, they took a completely platonic shower together. Magnus washed the smell of sweat off and Taako scrubbed his face like he wanted to get rid of his skin. Magnus had tried to ask why he had almost thrown up, but Taako wasn’t up for talking about it.

After their shower, Taako spent less time than Magnus had ever seen in his entire time knowing him choosing clothes. And what he chose was a t-shirt dress and Magnus’ just-worn track pants. Magnus, however, had to borrow Kravitz’s sweats (the only thing Kravitz owns that sort of almost fits Magnus’ monster legs) and his biggest t-shirt that just barely fit.

Kravitz had tried to make something to eat for breakfast, but Taako, after taking one bite of the eggs, turned to him and said, “Babe, I love you, but this tastes like Lup’s feet smell.” He then proceeded to throw out all the food he made and start on breakfast himself.

Magnus was worried that would hurt Kravitz’s feelings, but when he looked over Kravitz was beaming.

“He hasn’t made food in so long,” Kravitz whispers to Magnus. “I was beginning to worry.”

“I’m glad he’s feeling better.” Magnus watches as Taako walks about the kitchen, picking up ingredients and turning on the stove. Still, though, Magnus could tell he wasn’t all better. Taako’s features while he cooked on the Starblaster were always light, calm, laid-back even. Taako’s expression right now was cold, calculating, and apathetic. He still didn’t feel better, but he was putting in an effort for them.

“Magnus,” Kravitz turns to him again, his face now worried. “I was wondering if you could help me with something regarding Taako…”

“Of course.” Magnus turns to fully face him.

“I think…” Kravitz waits until he’s sure Taako can’t hear them. “I think he’s been making himself vomit.”

Magnus says nothing. The memories from the Starblaster show up unannounced again, this time the clear and horrible memory of finding Taako’s body on a hostile planet, beaten and bruised, but with the cause of death clearly being the large gashes on his wrists and arms. He’d bled himself out, for reasons no one on the Starblaster could fathom. But as soon as the twins were back together, everything was fine. Magnus could see old scars on Taako’s arms, ones from before the IPRE most likely. Taako had never cut himself on the Starblaster, only that one time when he had already been most likely dead. Lup, however, was another matter entirely. She, if Taako went missing, had died, or given himself to save them somehow, would burn herself. The downside of having an Evocation wizard on the crew was that she had a constant and never ending supply of fire. And she used it. There was even a time she had lashed out in rage and burned Magnus. He still has that scar.

Magnus snaps back to reality as Kravitz waves a hand in front of his face, looking worried.

“Sorry,” He says, jumping back a bit as he sees Magnus’ eyes refocus. “You spaced out a bit there.”

“Yeah, sorry…” Magnus apologizes too, shaking his head. “I’ll try to talk to him about it, but I’m not sure how well I’ll do.”

“If it’s you, I’m sure he’ll open up.” Kravitz nods.

“He would open up to you, too,” Magnus argues.

“No, this is something else…” Kravitz watches Taako again. “Something deeper.”

Magnus watches too. Taako hasn’t made a noise since he started cooking. He usually sings. Dances, sometimes. Magnus thinks it’s a damn shame that Kravitz isn’t hearing his beautiful voice right now.

After the food is done, Magnus watches Taako eat his food. It’s all too obvious that he doesn’t want to eat. He’s moving his food around, squishing it up, cutting the eggs into small pieces to make them look more eaten. In this moment, Magnus devises a plan to make Taako eat something.

“Taako,” Magnus says, getting his attention. “Remember back on the Starblaster when you and Lup made that cheesecake?”

“Yeah…” Taako eyes him, confused.

“That was my favorite food you guys ever made,” Magnus says, smiling at the memory. “Could you make it for me again?”

“I…” Taako stares for a moment. “I can.”

“Thank you, Taako!” Magnus beams at him, and he knows his smile is infectious. Taako lets himself smile down at his plate and Kravitz is smiling too.

Its a while until something comes up again. Magnus spends most of the day here, and soon it’s midday and they’re talking about Magnus’ dogs and how they love Merle’s kids and suddenly Magnus remembers something.

“Oh shit, I have to go drop my dogs off with Merle,” Magnus smacks himself, standing from the table. “I forgot.”

And just like that, the entire exchange comes to a screeching halt as Taako falls into a bookshelf and tumbles to the ground, trembling furiously.

“Holy shit, Taako!” Magnus rushes to help him, moving a book that fell onto his back. “What’s wrong?!”

As he checks him, kneeling lower to see his face, he sees Taako’s eyes wide open, tears streaming down his face already, hands covering his mouth. His whole body is shaking, and his breathing is ragged, like he had just been choking.

Magnus and Kravitz have never seen this before. Kravitz looks to Magnus for help, an explanation, something. Magnus doesn’t know what to do. What he does do is call Lup and tell her something is wrong. She’s there before he even hangs up.

“Taako?” She calls gently, kneeling in front of him. “Koko?”

Taako seems to snap out of whatever was just happening, looking up at his sister. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t make a sound, not until she wraps him in a gentle hug. Then, he wails.

Kravitz swears he’s never heard anything make a noise like that, living or dead. This sound rattles Magnus’ bones. Never in his life has he ever heard Taako cry- sob like this. He’s screaming, and Lup looks scared too. This lasts for almost two minutes, but by the three minute mark he’s reduced his crying to sniffles and hiccups.

“What the fuck, bro?” Lup chuckles, pulling back from her brother only slightly to look at him. “What happened?”

“I was just saying that I forgot to-!” Magnus starts, but as soon as he says “forgot” Taako starts shaking again and grabs her sister by the shoulders, forcing himself to look at her.

“Okay, okay!” Lup says, going back to calming him down. “I see what happened, calm down, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.”

Magnus feels awful instantly, realizing the problem. He was triggered and thrown into a panic attack. Magnus worries that this may be more serious than he originally thought.

After a shorter bout of fear, Taako is back to sniffling, this time never unlocking his gaze from Lup’s as he breathes slowly, trying not to pass out.

“You good now?” Lup asks, helping him to carefully stand.

“F-fuck,” Taako stutters, looking suddenly angry. “Fuck my stupid brain, my dumb ugly body, fuck Lucretia…”

As he trails off, Lup looks disapproving but says nothing. Magnus, however, decides to deflect by saying, “You’re not ugly.”

Taako looks at him, pouting.

“You’re not.” Magnus insists. “You’re hot, don’t lie.”

“Shut up…” Taako quickly turns back to Lup, who smirks at him and sticks her tongue out. “You shut up too.”

“Make me, dingus,” Lup taunts, crushing him in another hug. “Feel better, and stop being so dramatic and high-maintenance, you damn diva.”

“A bowl of green M&Ms,” Taako shoots back, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehead and falling to the side, forcing Lup to catch him.

“Ugh-!” Lup grunts, just barely catching him in time. “Damn, you’ve gotten lighter. Have you two been feeding him?”

As she points an accusing finger toward Kravitz and Magnus, Taako makes a “bleh” sound and makes himself fall with a thump. Lup simply puts her hands on her hips and stares down at him like a mother watching their child throw a fit.

“Leave them out of this, you’re the one to blame,” Taako says, rolling around of the floor, striking poses.

“Get off the dirty-ass floor.” Lup sticks her tongue out at him again. “Feet go there.”

“Speaking of feet,” Taako says, sitting up and pointing to Kravitz. “He made eggs that tasted like yours smell.”

Lup shoves her socked foot into Taako’s face and turns to Kravitz and says, “Sorry he’s so crass. It’s hard to control his ass.”

“It’s no problem,” Kravitz says, waving a hand. “It got him to cook so it’s okay.”

“You made food?” Lup looks back down at Taako who is now gasping for clean air. “And didn’t save any for me? You want me to starve?”

“Starve, bitch!” Taako chokes out, fumbling to the sink to spray his face. “Gods, the smell is in my nose!”

Lup rolls her eyes, turning back to Magnus and Kravitz.

“Please make sure he eats, don’t let him ignore what just happened, and I swear to the gods if you let him trick you into thinking he can’t make his own bed I’m sending you both back to kindergarten.” Lup says, pointing at both of them. “Make sure you talk about it.”

“Okay, I promise…” Magnus nods.

“Also maybe fuck a little, I dunno…” Lup shrugs, smirking.

“What?” Magnus’ face goes red and Kravitz covers his face.

“I mean, I’m no expert, but sometimes people just need a good bone.” Lup smiles, wide and unsettling. “So maybe bone a bit.”

Just then, a spoon hits her in the head from the kitchen, and Taako’s face is bright red and furious.

“Shut up!” He shouts, going back to hiding from her.

After Lup leaves, Taako, Kravitz, and Magnus sit together in the living room. Taako tries to talk about anything for a while, but eventually he gives up in favor of sitting between Magnus and Kravitz and listening to them breathe.

When Magnus yawns, Taako almost instantly pounces on him, shoving him down onto the couch and laying on his chest, snuggling up to him. Kravitz moves to rest Magnus’ legs on his lap and lays a hand on Taako’s leg.

Magnus almost felt weird having Kravitz there. Magnus had never been with more than one person at a time, though that’s probably not what Kravitz wants anyway. Thoughts like those made Magnus’ gut twist slightly. Made him a bit uncomfortable. But, he realized, when it came to Taako, it didn’t matter. If Kravitz was okay with it, and Taako was okay with it, then Magnus was okay with it. There didn’t need to be any labels, any structure really. Just being clear and communicating was enough.

So, when Magnus woke up just around sunset, having fallen asleep sometime earlier, he wasn’t feeling weird anymore. He looks down at Taako, still asleep on his chest, and sighs. There’s a small puddle of drool forming on his shirt, and his hair has fallen out of the bun Kravitz had tied it into. Speaking of Kravitz, not many people would expect Death to snore, but boy howdy, does he ever. Magnus looks at Kravitz, head back, mouth wide open, snores ripping through the silence of the house, and he can’t help but smile and chuckle a bit.

His chuckling rouses Taako from his sleep, his eyes squinting despite the dim room.

“Sorry,” Magnus whispers. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’okay…” Taako mutters, shifting and wiping his face before laying back down on the other cheek. “Mmmmmmmm… Magnus?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I freaked out earlier.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know…” Taako shifted again to rest his chin on crossed arms, looking down at Magnus. “But I’m still sorry.”

“… Taako?”

“Yeah?”

“Please let me help you.”

“… Why?”

“I love you.”

“Gross.”

“I’m serious.”

“Okay.”

Taako kept staring at him, waiting to him to speak again. When he didn’t Taako sighed.

“Okay fine, help with what?”

“Your Bulimia, mostly.”

Taako’s shoulders tensed. Then, he says, “Is that what it’s called?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…”

“I also want to help with your PTSD.”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Okay.”

They stare at each other for a long time. Taako takes the time to count the sparkles in Magnus’ eyes. This will take a while. Magnus counts the freckles on Taako’s face. This will also take a while. Neither of them move. Soon, Taako’s eyes start to droop again. Magnus shifts this time, moving so that Taako is to his left, between him and the couch, kept safe. Taako buries his face under Magnus’ chin out of habit. They’ve done this before. A lot. The Starblaster could get lonely very fast on dangerous planets, and with almost everyone gone they would need someone, anyone to fill the void left by them. Taako remembers (and remembering still hurts for him) Magnus coming to him in tears over not being able to save Davenport and Merle, crying like a child and holding him like a teddy bear. Taako had cooed at him like a child, and that day he learned that Magnus’ emotions are very much child-like when they are strong. That same day, they had done what they are doing now. Taako had convinced Magnus to sleep, to rest for a while, and Magnus laid on the Starblaster common room’s couch just like this, keeping Taako safely between himself and the couch so that he wouldn’t lose him too.

“Taako?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“… I love you too."


	3. If the Sun Shines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, so much. So much goes wrong when you don't pay attention. Attention to the signs your body screams at you. Dramatic results of dramatically neglectful actions. Drama leads to drama, nothing less for Taako and friends.

Magnus’ house was warm. Taako loves how his house feels just like him. Magnus has always been warm.

Taako had been shaken back to life, figuratively, by Magnus’ visit last week. Since then, he has been up and about every day and cooking breakfast and dinner every day. Kravitz has been so overjoyed, but still has work to do. He is currently out on a mission for a whole weekend, and told Taako (very sternly, Taako would add) to go stay with Magnus to avoid falling back into his depression. Taako would argue he isn’t depressed, but not to Krav.

So, Taako is walking down the streets of New Phandalin in the general direction of Magnus’ home. He had called early this morning to let Magnus know he was coming over, but Magnus had been half asleep at the time so Taako doubted he remembered the conversation.

On the way, while walking past some shops, Taako saw himself in the reflection of the shop’s window. He almost threw up right there in public, but managed to keep himself composed after just one dry heave into a trash can and a swift look around to make sure no one had noticed.

Now, at Magnus’ door, Taako doesn’t knock. He never does when it comes to Magnus and even Merle. They’re too good of friends to knock anymore. He walks right into Magnus’ house and leaves his shoes by the door. The day is young, and the sun has just risen.

Taako walks down a hall and is met by the happy faces of two very large dogs of two different breeds that he doesn’t know the names of. As he passes them and goes to Magnus’ room, he realizes that Magnus’ house has more rooms than he expected. He passes too many doors to be just a bathroom and a closet. There must be another room that could be used as a bedroom. Absently, Taako wonders why he would buy a house with more than two bedrooms.

In Magnus’ room, Magnus is asleep on his bed, sprawled out on his stomach and snoring like- well, like Kravitz, Taako thinks. He laughs to himself at that, at the irony. Then, he decides not to wake him just yet. Taako leaves Magnus’ room and goes to the kitchen to make breakfast. He would have made Magnus’ favorite cheesecake, but Lup has the recipe so he can’t. The best he can do for now is waffles (Magnus hates pancakes for some reason) with fruit (Magnus hates syrup for some reason) and whipped cream. On the side, Taako makes a quick batch of tomato soup. Not many people will agree with Taako and Magnus, but a light soup in the morning helps them wake up.

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear. Magnus stumbles into the kitchen and blinks at Taako, surprised to see him.

“Hey,” He says awkwardly.

“Hey, yourself.” Taako smiles, leaning on the counter. “Krav is out on duty all weekend so he told me to stay with you.”

“Oh.”

“I called, but you sounded basically sleep so I assume you don’t remember that.”

“Nope.”

“Cool,” Taako says, pushing off from the counter and walking over to hug Magnus. “Gimme love.”

“Well,” Magnus doesn’t object to the first kiss, but does to the second. “Hold on.”

“Why?”

“I, uh,” Magnus glances behind him, and Taako hears a door open. “Don’t freak out.”

Suddenly, Taako has a vision. Not really, but he has a horrible thought that turns too quickly into a dramatization. A woman will walk out from the hall, dressed only in a silk nightgown and call, “Magnus? Who’s here?” and Taako will watch in horror as her eyes widen at their embrace.

This doesn’t happen. In fact, Taako could not have been more off on who this person was in Magnus’ house. Around the corner pads small feet. Young feet. In slippers for children. And they are a child. They are Angus McDonald.

“Who’s here, sir?” He asks, rubbing his eyes like the child he is, and Taako can’t help himself. He melts as he sees Angus’ face light the fuck up when he sees Taako. “Mr. Taako!”

“Hey Ango,” Taako says, letting this get the better of him. He lets go of Magnus and goes straight to Angus and hugs him tightly. “Ugh, I think I missed you or something.”

“That doesn’t sound right at all!” Angus says, sounding the happiest he’s ever been. He presses his small cheek into Taako’s neck and Taako wants to die and protect him forever at the same time.

“I know, I’m probably sick.” Taako lifts Angus up, despite the boy being ten years old already and getting taller by the day, and balances him on his hip. “Mags, why didn’t you tell me you lived with Angus?”

“I forg-… I misplaced the information, sorry.” Magnus rubs the back of his neck. “He didn’t have anywhere else to go, and Lucretia wanted to give him his own place, but I thought he would be happier with someone else.”

“He was right,” Angus says, wrapping his legs around Taako’s middle. “I really like living here, sirs! Mr. Magnus’ dogs are so good at finding clues!”

“I bet,” Taako chuckles. “You want breakfast?”

“Yes please!” Angus hops down and runs to the kitchen.

Suddenly, the scene makes Taako feel all too domestic. Angus running to get breakfast, having just woken up and found two of his favorite people hugging each other, surrounded by love and support. Taako can’t help it; he flashes back to his childhood. He remembers it all too clearly now, with Lup. First, very few years with their parents. Then, tragedy. Orphans. Starvation. Working. Pain. Sadness. But they had each other. He remembers the brothels they cooked for, the libraries they stole from, the people they loved and that loved them, the funerals they attended as those people would succumb to sickness or old age, the IPRE and the friends they made, the enemies they made. He remembers meeting Barry for the first time and watching his sister go from hating him to liking him to loving him, he remembers meeting Magnus for the first time and how he went from thinking he was hot to realizing he was a dork to denying that he loved him to finally giving up. He remembers the Starblaster, the hours spent cleaning the kitchen, the times Magnus would help out of guilt, the fact that eventually it would only be Magnus cleaning the kitchen because Taako would “let him” do it.

Magnus snaps him out of it, like usual. A warm hand on his arm. Taako blinks, and he’s still here. He thinks of all the shit he’s been through. He thinks of everything that led up to being here in this house with Magnus, a man he loves, and Angus, a boy he would give his life to protect. And he thinks of everything Angus won’t have to go through. Everything Taako will fight tooth and nail to make sure he won’t need to go through. And he smiles. Magnus smiles too. And they eat breakfast.

In about three hours, when Angus is sent off to work for the day at the school since it’s still Friday, and when Magnus has finally washed the dishes and put away the leftovers, Taako decides to look around the house.

Taako hasn’t been here yet, Magnus’ house. The house looks very homemade, the floors, wall details, even the doors are all wood. Taako would be surprised if Magnus hadn’t carved them himself. The table and chairs in the dining room were also clearly carved by Magnus. They featured little ducklings on the legs. The table matches, too. Small carved ducklings all walking in a line up the legs. The rest of the house surely has things made by Magnus as well. Taako wonders when he made the time to make these things.  
Walking down the hall as Magnus finishes up washing dishes, Taako observes the pictures on either wall. One has a reproduction of the IPRE group photo taken before the Starblaster was finished, when they had all finally been officially on their team. It’s almost a perfect replica, and it makes Taako’s stomach flip. Perhaps he shouldn’t have made eggs today.

The other pictures are clearly more recent. One picture makes him stop, the one of Angus. He’s reading, sitting in what Taako assumes is a big comfy chair somewhere in this house. Behind him is the orange glow of the sun at it sets outside a window, and beside him is one of Magnus’ huge dogs sleeping soundly. Taako gently taps a finger on the frame. He’s missed so much already.

Following the hall further, Taako checks the doors to see how many rooms there really are. One is a bathroom, clearly for guests since it smells nice and has fresh towels. One door leads to Angus’ room, with a personally carved bed frame that looks like a giant book that makes Taako’s heart swell. Angus’ room is neatly organized, with the illusion that he’s a clean person, but the clothes sticking out of his closet reveal the truth. There’s another door that most likely leads to Angus’ own bathroom, but Taako doesn’t much care to see what type of toilet paper he wipes his ass with.

Through another door is, surprisingly, another room. A guest room, probably. It looks untouched and featureless, no personality at all. It makes Taako squirm. Through yet another door is what is most likely Magnus and Angus’ office. Two desks, many candles and lighting, a large window, and books everywhere. Taako would snoop, but decides not to. And through the last door that isn’t the one leading to Magnus’ room is what Taako realizes he’s been looking for. Magnus’ workshop.

Taako knew he had one, he must have. What he didn’t expect was a large wooden statue in the middle of the room, clearly a work in progress, that seemed to be taking the shape of him. Yes, Magnus was doing that weird art student thing where you use your friends as inspiration, and Magnus was creating a life-sized wooden statue of Taako. The face was still a block, but the hat was already done, and Taako recognizes it as modeled after his blue one. His cloak was coming along nicely, Magnus had apparently been learning how to carve wood to look like fabric.

As Taako walked slowly around the piece, looking it up and down, the door opened hastily, and Magnus was bright red standing there.

“You weren’t supposed to see this,” Magnus says, not moving.

“It looks good so far.” Taako smiles to himself as Magnus turns even more red. “I like the grain of the wood, you got a good tree for this one.”

“It’s, uh, Great Red Wood…” Magnus slowly walks further into the room, calming down from his embarrassment.

Taako hums in understanding, looking closely at the statue again.

“I um…” Magnus awkwardly shifts. “I didn’t just, like, decide to make a statue of you, you know.”

“Really? My ego suffers.”

“It was commissioned by Ren.”

“For what? And why didn’t she tell me?”

“It’s for the grand opening of the school, and it was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Well, fucked it up,” Taako says, reaching out to smooth off some wood shavings. “Oh well, I’ll act surprised.”

“Taako?”

“Hm?”

“Could I take a picture of you?”

Taako doesn’t move to react, he just keeps brushing wood shavings off even when there aren’t any left.

“I want to make sure I get your face right.”

“Okay.” Taako turns away to look at the rest of the workshop, wondering how he can work with it so messy.

“Thank you.”

“Mm.”

Magnus finds his camera and Taako sits on a stool so that the picture will be easier to take. Magnus tells him to look normal, and after making a silly face he obliges. Magnus throws the cloth over his head and takes the lens off the camera.

Taako may have used a spell to keep himself still, since he recently had become quite jumpy and twitchy. For no real reason, he assumes.

Magnus would never tell Taako, but he watched him, motionless, the entire time. He didn’t know why he was so enthralled with Taako’s features, but he’s sure now that he will do his face justice in the statue.

After what seemed like forever, Magnus puts the lens back on the camera and comes out from under the cloth. Taako drops the spell keeping himself still and sighs, slumping in his chair.

The room stays quiet, even when Magnus thanks Taako for the picture. They move about the room in separate directions, Magnus putting his camera away and Taako moving toward the hall. Taako wondered why Ren would ask Magnus to make the statue and not someone whose specialty is more… Permanent. Wood hardly lasts as long as any type of metal, and truly copper would last longest for a statue. Though, knowing Ren, she probably had a reason for it being wood. Sentiment, her history with Magnus, who knows.

Taako wanders out toward Magnus’ bedroom, not really meaning to go there. He suddenly feels a knot inside his chest. Not just any knot, but the familiar knot of emotion that will inevitably be pulled to tightly that it will unravel all at once. Taako wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Kravitz or Magnus, but this knot has been showing up since he remembered Lup. Every moment he remembers something, be it that Lup is real and exists, that he has Kravitz, that they’re safe, that Angus is safe and will grow up safe, anything that brings about emotion- the knot snaps taught again. And after that it begins to re-knot itself. Usually in the form of either a nervous breakdown, crying for several hours, or literally just blacking out for a few minutes.

Maybe that’s not normal, and maybe Taako knows that. But maybe Taako is also very worried about the prospect that healing spells don’t work on mental illnesses, so Taako doesn’t want to admit that he has one because no one can help him anyway.

Maybe it’s also a bad thing not to tell anyone this happens when it can lead to such scenes as the one happening right now. Apparently, for some unknown reason, the knot decided to snap taught again just a minute ago. Taako hadn’t realized this, because this time it manifested as him blacking out again. Magnus, having no prior knowledge of the knot, just heard Taako fall to the ground and then saw him lying motionless on the floor in his bedroom doorway.

Now, thanks to that stupid knot, Magnus is holding Taako in his arms, frantically shouting into his stone of farspeech and crying a bit. Taako would roll his eyes if he could remember how to, and tries to say something witty, though it only comes out as, “Shhitin’ fell…”

“He’s awake, but I don’t know what happened!” Magnus is still frantic, and the voice of Merle on the other line is calm, though bordering on annoyed. Magnus takes a deep breath. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you there.”

Taako literally can’t complain as Magnus lifts him off the ground and carries him out the front door. Taako finally gets his primary motor functions back only after they’re in front of the hospital.

“Put me down.” He says, pouting.

“No, it could happen again.” Magnus has always been stubborn, but damned if he’ll risk Taako breaking anything from that shit happening again.

“It won’t, put me down.”

“No.”

“Magnus!” Merle shouts, waving his arm. “Come inside, we’ll check him in.”

“You’re not checking me in!” Taako shouts, shoving at Magnus to get down. “I’m fine!”

“No, you’re not!” Magnus shouts back, surprising Taako and Merle. “You almost died!”

“I fucking fell and blacked out, Burnsides, it wasn’t that dramatic!”

“Yes it was!” Magnus storms into the building. “Which way to the E.R.?”

“Oh my gods, the fucking E.R. are you serious?!” Taako fights the whole way, even after being thrown over Magnus’ shoulder.

On the way to the emergency room, Merle follows silently as Taako basically kicks and screams to be let down.

It’s dramatic, like it always is with Taako, and it’s forced, like it always is with Magnus, but eventually Taako is in a hospital room waiting for a neurologist. Merle has never seen Magnus so shaken, so he’s generally more inclined to believe Magnus when he says it’s necessary. Taako, however, clearly either doesn’t understand what happened or doesn’t care. Either way, when the neurologist shows up Taako instantly tries to downplay whatever happened.

“So, I’ve heard from Mr. Burnsides here that you experienced quite a scary event today?” The neurologist, Dr. Ellis, asks Taako.

“I’d hardly call it that, but yeah I guess.” Taako is flippant, which is expected by all parties, but Magnus finally starts understanding that Taako doesn’t know what happened.

“Taako,” Magnus says, kneeling down next to his hospital bed. “You had a seizure.”

Taako’s face is blank, and he tries his very best not to immediately look distraught, but soon he’s in panic mode and taking huge heaving breaths while he suddenly realizes he’s staring at the floor. He doesn’t remember throwing the blanket off of himself, or fumbling to escape the bed, the room, the conversation, but he’s there now, hyperventilating in Magnus’ arms again.

“Breathe,” Magnus’ voice is in his ears, and his eyes feel hot with shame. He can’t see anymore, his tears are too big. “That’s it, breathe.”

Dr. Ellis helps Magnus put Taako back in his hospital bed. Taako clings to Magnus now, making him sit on the bed with him so that he can hide from his shame.

“Now, Taako,” Dr. Ellis starts, clearing his throat and looking to his clipboard. “Today you had a seizure.”

Taako simply shoves his face further into Magnus’ shirt.

“And then, here, you had a panic attack.”

Taako makes a face.

“I have to assume, due to your reactions, that these events are not new.” Dr. Ellis writes something briefly. “Taako, have you ever had a seizure before?”

“No…” Taako mumbles.

“… Have you ever blacked out with no explanation before?” Dr. Ellis raises an eyebrow.

“… Maybe…” Taako’s voice is spiteful.

“I think it’s very possible you have had a seizure before today, then.”

Magnus’ face was barely stoic as they spoke with the doctor.

“Seeing as you haven’t realized you’ve been having seizures, I am positive you haven’t had an extremely severe one yet, which is good.” Dr. Ellis flips a page on his clipboard. “I think it would be a good idea to keep you here on the off chance that it either happens again or we can figure out why it’s happening with some tests.”

Taako only glared at the doctor, feeling his chest fill with shame and anger. The only thing he says is, “Don’t tell Kravitz.”

The day is over. The sun is setting. Angus met them at the hospital and was curious to find out what was causing the seizures. Kravitz, much to Taako’s dismay, was informed about the situation by the hospital since he was Taako’s primary line should something happen. Magnus, to Taako’s relief, never left his room. Lup, who had been given time off from her reaping since Kravitz couldn’t, went to see them.

Taako and Magnus sit in Taako’s hospital room, Taako desperately wanting to throw the remote through the TV and Magnus on the phone with someone important at the hospital to get Taako’s room changed to something bigger. The drama insists on following them, the TV doesn’t get destroyed, and eventually the important hospital person agrees to turn a bigger room into a room and closet for Taako to feel more comfortable. And the sun still shines.


	4. Just Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adjusting, waiting, frustration, talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another chapter that's almost done. The reason I don't make the fic look unfinished is that no one would read it otherwisssee......  
> Anyway, enjoy reading! I tried to write more for Kravitz since I'm not very good at writing his character yet. I'm still exploring his character. Also the next chapter delves a little into liches and stuff like that... So be prepared!   
> Comments are always appreciated as long as they're not mean! Constructive criticism is always welcome! Also tell me if I made a formatting mistake, there are always things I miss.  
> Thank you for reading!

It had been far too long, in Taako’s opinion. Sure, the room was nice and big, and sure, it fit a decent amount of his clothes, but with absolutely everyone he cared about in the room it was starting to get way too crowded and weird. Magnus, as always, insisted on staying with Taako regardless of anything. The doctor had told them that they would test for a few things first, simple stuff like bodily harm, then they would work into more complicated things like sleep apnea and that pesky eating disorder…

Taako, to his credit, had been a model patient. He breathed when the doctor said to, let them check his head for injuries or bleeding or something, and even shared with them the story of his childhood battles with high places and falling from them when asked if he was prone to injuries outside of the BOB and IPRE. Also, to Lup’s utter horror, he confessed that this falling from high places was usually his sister’s doing. When Lup tried to object, the entire former crew of the Starblaster vouched for Taako, saying there were plenty of times she had snuck up on him, shouted “TRUST PUSH,” and proceeded to shove him over the side of the Starblaster. The doctor was not as amused.

Merle, constantly asking why he was still there, dutifully stayed as long as visiting hours would allow, would fetch whatever Taako asked for, and kept Angus out of the room most of the time, which Taako counted as invaluable. (He wouldn’t tell anyone, but he would shave his head and change his name before he let Angus see him in a hospital room for god’s sake.)

Currently, it is nearly midnight. All the others but Magnus had gone home or, in Merle’s case, to the cafeteria. A full week had passed since Taako was admitted. Kravitz was obviously off work by now, and Taako had convinced him not to visit for a little while, saying it was a special request and to “please please please don’t come see me like this it’s ridiculously pathetic and stupid and I want you to remember me as I was, not as I am.” Kravitz wasn’t amused, but agreed to wait. The waiting was over though, and a comparatively loud tear signaled his loss of patience in the quiet hospital room.

Taako had been busy eating Fantasy Whoppers and watching Fantasy Desperate Housewives, so when a portal opened in front of him he instinctively hid the food, slammed the power button on the remote, and quickly ducked under the covers to feign sleep. If Kravitz thought he was sleeping, he wouldn’t rouse him. Taako didn’t fully understand why it was so very important for Kravitz not to rouse him from his fake sleep, but it was very important for some reason.

“Taako,” Kravitz says, voice slightly amused. “I know you’re not asleep.”

Taako made no move to prove or disprove this statement.

“There are Fantasy Whoppers everywhere.”

“Shit…”

“Love, I’m sorry it’s so late, I just couldn’t stay away any longer.”

“Give me like…” Taako peeked at the small hospital alarm clock. “Five minutes.”

“Alright.” Kravitz sat down in a chair next to the bed, keeping his eyes shut, the usual for this type of request from his boyfriend.

Taako got up quickly and sifted through his bag to find his wand, carefully casting his glamour spell. Then, he quickly used magic to clean up his hair, making sure it looked and felt silky smooth and had absolutely no strays. Lastly, he found a cute shirt, a large one, much better than the old sweaty one he’d been wearing all day.

“Okay,” Taako says, huffing and turning back to Kravitz.

Kravitz opens his eyes and stands, smiling.

“Sorry.”

“It’s no trouble, I would rather you feel comfortable than make you feel bad.”

“Well,” Taako starts, flipping his hair over his shoulder and hugging Kravitz. “Good. I’m actually glad you’re here.”

“Meaning you usually wouldn’t be?”

“Meaning I’m surprised I’m not mad at you for not staying away. I’m actually really glad to have you here now.”

“Well, I’m glad then.”

They stay there a while, and Taako swears he could fall asleep right there, but soon there’s a stir from the bed, and Taako then remembers that Magnus is there.

“Oh, shit,” Taako says, untangling himself from Kravitz and going back to the bed. “Sorry.”

“Nnsfine…” Magnus slurs, lumbering up and padding off to the bathroom.

“I woke him up,” Taako chides at himself.

“He’ll live,” Kravitz says, sitting on the bed with Taako after carefully removing his cloak and suit jacket. “Taako, how are you doing?”

“Mmm…” Taako bites his lip. “Fine?”

“Interesting answer, a question.” Kravitz pulls Taako in for another hug, this time laying back with him. “How are you feeling physically, love?”

“Fine, not broken or anything.” Taako cuddles up to Kravitz, wrapping his legs around him tightly to comfort himself.

“Mentally?”

“Probably, definitely, totally broken.” Taako sighs, shaky. “I’ve relapsed on my barfy thing-”

“Bulimia.”

“Yeah that, and I can’t seem to be able to calm my head down.”

“How do you mean?”

“I keep fucking thinking.”

“I think that’s mostly normal.”

“I mean I keep thinking way too much!” Taako plays with the buttons of Kravitz’s dress shirt, pouting. “I keep running over things in my head.”

“What kinds of things?” Kravitz looks down at Taako, his eyes ever soft and understanding.

“Like…” Taako purses his lips. “I keep reminding myself of things.”

“What kinds?”

“Everything.”

“Like?”

“Lup is my sister, she is one minute older than me and has ashen blond hair as opposed to my dirty blond hair, there is a huge difference. I enjoy cooking and am good at it, Lup also cooks and enjoys it and is good at it. I learned the language of animals on one of our first cycles, I can still understand parts of it when I’m around animals, Lup also learned it and understands it and hears it a lot too. Magnus is important to me, I know him from the IPRE, he is tall and wide and protects me, he used to not care about me but we became friends on the Starblaster. The Starblaster is the ship I spent a century on, where I spent a century with my sister, Lup, Magnus, Lucretia, Davenport, Merle, and Barry.”

Throughout Taako’s recounting of his thoughts, Kravitz had been becoming more and more concerned.

Taako stops, though, and looks up at Kravitz with a gaze that never ceases to chill Kravitz to the bone. The gaze of someone who has seen more than enough death, of someone who is one hundred years older than they look, someone who should have bags under their bloodshot eyes, or at the very least some wrinkles.

“I can’t stop thinking.” Taako says.

Kravitz can’t help himself, and pulls Taako in for a desperate hug of sympathy. Taako hates sympathy. Though, for now, he lets himself be hugged.

“Listen to me a while, yeah?” Kravitz whispers, petting Taako’s hair.

Taako simply nods.

“Close your eyes,” Kravitz starts.

Taako closes his eyes.

“Think about everything you did just now.”

Taako’s face scrunches up. 

“Now imagine all those thoughts, all those words, being pulled like rope together into a ball.”

Taako raises an eyebrow.

“Now, imagine that ball collecting all the thoughts you don’t want to have. How big is the ball.”

“Enormous.”

“Good. Now, poke it with a pin, and watch it fly away as it deflates.”

Taako remains silent.

“… How was that silence?”

Taako thinks for a bit, opening his eyes to stare into Kravitz’s. Then, he says, “Quiet.”

As Kravitz pulls Taako to him for a kiss, Magnus exits the bathroom, still tired and hardly awake. Kravitz pays no mind, but Taako’s head shoots up to address him.

Before anyone can say anything, Magnus climbs back into bed and tug both Taako and Kravitz up to be held like teddy bears.

Kravitz smiles at Taako, who shakes his head with a chuckle. They all go to sleep for the night, Taako finally having a good night’s rest for the first time since they saved the world.

In the morning, along with Magnus’ loud snoring and Taako’s absolute puddles of drool, Kravitz is awake for two full hours before anyone else. When the nurse comes in to check on everything she has to leave the room to laugh when she sees the desperation on Kravitz’s face, pinned under Taako and crushed against Magnus.

The nurse wakes Taako up, mostly out of pity for Kravitz, and tells him about the first of the more complicated tests the doctor wants to do. Kravitz, after stretching a bit, feels bad that he missed so much and didn’t just come and be with Taako for support. Taako’s face is tired, more than just from having just woken up, Kravitz can tell. He’s getting mentally exhausted from all this hospital stuff and Kravitz is sure he needs a proper break.

“So, the doctor wants to try the sleep apnea test tonight, if that’s okay.” The nurse checks her clipboard, making sure her info is correct.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Taako rubs his eyes, then rubs them harder, almost like a child.

“I’ll come back around noon with some food and more information on that test.”

Kravitz watches the nurse leave, then goes straight to Taako to voice his concerns. Before he can, however, Magnus lets out the loudest yawn he’s ever heard in his life.

“Sorry,” Magnus says, scratching his face. “I was pretty sleepy.”

“You still are,” Taako says, looking over at him with a playful expression. “By the way, you sleep like a bear.”

“Soundly?”

“Loudly.”

Magnus pouts.

“Now, Taako, don’t pretend like he kept you up at all.” Kravitz raises an eyebrow and holds up a finger. “I have three drool stains on my shirt that prove you slept like a rock as well.”

“How dare!” Taako gasps, slapping a hand to his chest in astonishment. “I do not drool!”

“You’re right,” Kravitz smirks. “You pour.”

“Oh shut up! You sleep like the dead!”

“Isn’t that better than snoring louder than a thunder clap and drooling like Fantasy Niagara Falls?”

“Maybe! I don’t know! Shut up!” Taako throws his hands up in frustration, turning to pout at Magnus.

“Hey, it’s just a joke, love.” Kravitz hugs him from behind, kissing his cheek.

“Yeah well…” Taako leans back into the hug, though still pouting.

“Y’know,” Magnus starts, thoughtfully, “when you sleep like the dead, it’s really concerning when we can’t hear you breathing.”

“Oh, I know, right?!” Taako exclaims, tilting his head back to look at Kravitz with wide eyes. “That’s fucking terrifying, my dude!”

“I’m…” Kravitz hesitates. “I’m that quiet?”

“Yes!” They both answer together.

They laugh together, and Kravitz forgets about his concerns when he sees Taako genuinely laughing for the first time in a while.

Having forgotten the concerns of Taako’s mental exhaustion, the three of them all go down to the hospital’s food court to find Merle, who is undoubtedly somewhere in the food court since, only halfway down the stairs, they can hear loud snoring coming from that direction.

And in the food court, where Merle is snoring loudly sleeping on a bench, other than getting desperate looks from the staff they are greeted by more people that they know.

Lup sits with Barry, talking with Lucretia, Davenport is on a table, probably recounting a harrowing tale from the Starblaster to the patients who need a pick-me-up, and Angus is there eating breakfast and listening to the story as well.

Taako almost turns right around when he sees everyone, but Kravitz takes his hand reassuringly. Soon after that they are noticed by Lup, who seems to have a sixth sense about when Taako gets within twenty feet of her.

“Koko!” Lup calls, waving to them. “I got you food!”

“Kay.” Taako’s shoulders slump a bit, but he makes his way to her anyway. “Thanks, you didn’t have to.”

“I don’t do things for you because I have to.” Lup pats his head, moving to let him take her seat. “I’m gonna go get ice cream.”

“Babe,” Barry says, breaking his conversation with Lucretia. “It’s like seven in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Lup shoots back, incredulously. “It’s seven in the morning and I haven’t had ice cream yet, I know!”

Barry sighs as she storms off, looking to Taako who is currently preoccupied with staring daggers at his food.

“I don’t think that intimidation roll will do very well against something with no brain,” Barry says, chuckling.

Taako doesn’t respond, only making a very precise and methodical cut into the pancake.

“… Taako, are you okay?” Barry’s voice isn’t insinuating that the question is for Taako’s current behavior, but more asking if he’s been okay lately. Because, to Barry, Taako hasn’t been well at all.

“M’fine.” Taako makes another cut, making a nice triangle piece of his pancake and stabbing it with his fork.

“Lup is really worried.”

Taako stops and looks at Barry.

“She’s been up a lot this week and not getting much sleep or rest in general,” Barry recounts, remembering how Lup was up all night pacing silently. “The idea that you’ve developed Epilepsy is really scary to her, especially since she can’t do anything about it.”

Taako’s heart feels like it’s been grabbed, cut open by a surgeon, carefully pricked in just the right places, and then carefully sutured up again. Barry knew the twins, so he wasn’t an idiot when it came to helping them work through their issues. Barry knew that Lup was Taako’s one driving force in life, and probably the only thing keeping him alive. (That’s not to say that, if Lup just up and *poof* was gone that he would kill himself, but Barry is pretty damn sure that if Lup did disappear that Taako’s life would fall apart.) Lup, on the other hand, was more complicated. Taako, to Lup, was a few things. First, he is her heart, which manifests in ways that are sometimes childish (telling Barry her heart will never belong to him because “how fucked up would it be if I just like- just one day gave you my brother, like what the fuck”) and sometimes very serious (once on the Starblaster Lup literally maimed an enemy for so much as giving Taako a cut) and even sometimes just little jokes (such as the time Taako stubbed his toe and Lup collapsed to the floor behind him, holding her chest and going “this is the end, ah my heart, it hurts, oh god why this” as Taako stared at her deadpan).

Other than that, Taako was one of Lup’s Anchors. In lich terms, this means that her consciousness is tied to him emotionally. Lup had two Anchors, Taako and Barry. Fittingly, Barry’s anchors are Taako and Lup. Liches need Anchors to remain stable in their physical forms, and to, without sugar coating it, keep themselves from being ripped apart by their own magic. So, since Taako is one of her Anchors, it becomes a problem when he gets sick or in danger, since if he were to get hurt or (gods forbid) die, she would become massively emotionally and physically unstable.

All that is to say, Barry knew the twins. So when he asks one of them if they’re okay, it’s because he knows they aren’t.

And right now, with Taako in the hospital with the diagnosis of Epilepsy (among other things such as bulimia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression- it’s not like Barry looked at the sheet… Okay he stole it but he needed to try and calm Lup down), Lup was becoming emotionally compromised. The Raven Queen was starting to question her ability to work, and soon Lup could show signs of magical instability. Taako had to either get better, which was about as possible at this point as acid rain, or try to convince Lup that he was feeling better. Both prospects look grim.

“She uh,” Taako clears his throat. “She does like to control stuff.”

Barry weighs his options, then says, “I’m being serious, Taako. I don’t want to make you feel pressured, but Lup is starting to… Well, she’s starting to crackle.”

Taako knew this jargon, crackling was when a lich’s magic started to literally take the form of crackling electricity because tension and emotion was building up and needed to be released. Barry has never crackled. Lup crackles often.

“That happens,” Taako says dismissively, trying to stave off the dread that this conversation was bringing him.

“Taako, she’s been crackling a lot.” Barry has to push now, if he doesn’t Taako will never bend. “She’s being told not to come to work because the Raven Queen is worried about her.”

Taako stares in surprise. Perhaps, maybe, Barry was jumping ahead to what will happen in a few weeks. But, in his defense, if things don’t change now they may become irreversible.

“I know you don’t have much choice right now, but could you at least try to convince Lup that you’re feeling better than you are?” Barry felt guilt rip at him, his Anchor to Taako wavering at this request. “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to feel more stressed out than you already are, you must be going through so much more…”

Taako just watched him struggle for a moment.

“But Lup’s life is in danger. You’re her Anchor.”

“I’m your Anchor too.” Taako says, mirroring Barry’s urgent tone.

“That’s true…”

“I understand, B.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

They stay silent, Barry looking down at his lap, feeling selfish for asking such a thing. Taako looks back to his food for a long moment before sitting up straight and taking a large bite of his pancakes. Barry swears he sees him almost gag, but to Taako’s credit he swallows the whole thing. Progress.


	5. Crackle, Crackle, Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup has... An accident. But it's okay! It's fine! She feels great! It's still bad! But it's okay!! Also Taako has a Bad Time.

Lup is a mess. She knows that. But to be honest, she can’t help it when her only baby brother is sick with things she didn’t even know existed and her boyfriend is suffering because her and Taako are suffering. Taako can’t realize how much Barry is suffering, he’s surely too wrapped up in his newly found issues. Lup is agonizing visiting the hospital again, she’s steamed her reaping suit six times, cleaned the kitchen, read a whole book- she’s putting it off until she has a reason to not. Yesterday was fine, she hardly crackled until she got home. But it always started up again when she thought about Taako or Barry.

Okay, this was starting to get bad. If she didn’t re-stabilize soon she would probably explode. Not figuratively, either. This body was basically a corpse to begin with, so her reaper body would most likely just rip it apart in the process of trying to accommodate the growing power caused by the Anchors wavering. There’s a lot about liches and lich magic that Lup still has to learn, too. Like, what happens if one of her Anchors dies?

Her whole chest crackles at this thought, and she anxiously changes the subject in her mind, dropping her book on the way to put it back and wringing her hands. Well, she rationalizes, Barry is a lich too, so he won’t die. Ever. Taako, on the other hand…

Her legs crackle and she trips, only barely catching herself before faceplanting into a house plant next to the bookshelf. Stop thinking about it, she chastises herself. How could you even think that way? He’s going to be fine! He’ll start getting better, and sure it’ll be hard but he’s resilient! Was there anything he couldn’t handle?

Well, her brain replies, the Hunger was something none of us could handle. It literally ate us on multiple occasions. But then again, that’s no longer a threat to any of them.  
Mental stuff was always hard, too, Lup thinks. She remembers Taako and her in the IPRE, getting their first proper housing arrangement since they were orphaned. They had put the mattresses on the floor because they were so uncomfortable on the frames, they never turned the lights on and only used their window for light, they hid their personal stuff behind furniture so that no one would steel it, and they even would steal food for the first month of being there. It was stuff they hadn’t thought twice about until Magnus, big scary burly Magnus, came to their room, flipped on the light, and watched them in horror as they scurried like rats to escape the light that they realized there was something wrong and on that day decided he would help them.

After that, much convincing, and far too many therapy sessions for one semester of classes, Lup and Taako diagnosed with PTSD, informed of their apparent abandonment issues, were medicated for a short time, and then right as rain for the Starblaster trip. Needless to say, the way they were forced to leave their planet formed an even worse case of PTSD. Watching the Hunger ravage their world as their could only escape is something that still haunts Lup’s nightmares to this day, and she hates it. Taako still thinks about it too, but he wasn’t as largely affected like Lup was. Taako dealt more with the repeated losses of his closest friends over the course of a century. Being forced to watch Magnus die was almost enough to drive him to suicide, but Lup knew that particular act was reserved for when she herself died horribly during that century. When she would re-materialize on the deck of the Starblaster, she always knew what Taako’s reaction would be if he had killed himself: he would scream, run and tackle her, cry for hours, and sleep for days.

Mental stuff is always hard.

“Lup?” Barry’s voice interrupts her thoughts, and she snaps out of her daze as he waves a hand in front of her face. “You okay?”

The noise she makes isn’t supposed to sound like what it does, but she realizes she’s about to throw up just a bit too late.

Barry manages to move out of the way in time, but Lup buckles and smacks her head on the bookshelf. Then, everything is spinning and Lup is happy she’s already throwing up.

She should be able to hear what Barry is frantically saying, but she realizes it all sounds like it’s being heard through cotton. Then, panic. She feels her heart jump to her throat, she realizes she can’t breathe, then she tries desperately to do anything that will help her breathe again. The first thing she tries is punching her gut, which does nothing. She’s already emptied her stomach, you see.

Barry has run off to find a phone.

Lup tries something else to open her airway: coughing. This is very uncomfortable, and doesn’t help. But now, at least, she’s closer to passing out. The third and last thing she tries, is magic. Which is a horrible, terrible, really really bad mistake.

Barry only hears an explosion, he’s numb after that. He knows what happened, and he doesn’t want to look. He knows she’s okay, but he still can’t look. 

“Well,” He hears Lup say. “Dunk.”

 

* * *

 

Lup had exploded. Sure. Maybe. Perhaps. It had been due to the anxiety of not being able to breathe in that moment, yes. Could it have been avoided? Yes. If Taako hadn’t gone and Bulimia-ed himself into getting Epilepsy (if that’s even a thing that can happen) then Lup wouldn’t have gone and exploded.  
Barry seems to think this is all very bad, and that Lup is in serious danger, but Lup honestly feels so much better.

Bodies are important. Having one keeps Lup grounded, it helps her hold and feel the ones she loves. It helps her with her job, too. But being a lich in a body is like being stuck in an elevator with twelve people. Too much person, not enough space, and eventually something has to give.

Lup can still stay almost completely conscious and aware while not in a body, even if she gets to miss out on all the touchy-feelies, and she feels absolutely amazing right now. Like when you pop open a can of shaken soda, she’s the soda when it calms down (and when it’s all over the floor). She felt too big for her body, she felt like it was just too cramped.

Logically Lup knows these are magical intrusive lich thoughts, but she couldn’t ignore that they were totally right.

“You exploded?” Taako’s eyes widen, looking back and forth between Lup and Barry.

“Only a bit,” Lup says, waving a hand.

“She threw up and then exploded.” Barry’s face is a mix between angry and filled with dread. “All over the living room…”

“Okay, sorry about that, I know it’s super gross,” Lup says with a small giggle. “But I feel a lot better now!”

“Because you got too big for your body!” Barry shouts, angry now. “You let yourself build up magic until your body literally couldn’t take it anymore!”

Taako moves his food to the left more, keeping his distance from Barry’s crackling.

“You exploded, Lup!” Barry yells, his voice becoming desperate. “Of course you feel better! Your lich form couldn’t handle being kept inside that body so it burst out! You have to release that before it gets too bad, you know that!”

Taako makes a frustrated noise as Barry’s crackling rises in frequency and severity. Magnus takes note, looking up from his book on the other side of the bed.

“Babe,” Lup starts, her tone dismissive. “You know I’ve always been bad at that. I’m sorry!”

“Lup, god damn it!” Barry’s crackling finally sparks, and Taako’s food is instantly fried.

“God fucking damn it, take your married quarrel out of my fucking room before I fucking starve because of your fucking yelling!” Taako shouts, throwing his plate of ruined food at them both. “Lup, shut the fuck up and listen to the corporeal ones! Grow a new body and try not to lose yourself while we wait for your stupid fucking dumbass brain to reshape!”

Lup flinches.

“Barry, shut the fuck up and fucking stop falling into the exact patterns she did!” Taako swats Magnus’ hand away from his shoulder, still glaring at Barry. “And I swear to got, if you fucking explode too I will send Kravitz to fucking reap both of you since you’re more interested in fucking goading each other than keeping each other fucking stable!”

With a rush of magical wind, both Lup and Barry are thrown, quite unceremoniously, out of the hospital room and onto their asses in the hallway.

“And stop ruining my meals!” The door slams shut with Taako’s last word, making both Lup and Barry flinch.

Their hearts both tug in unison, feeling their Anchors to Taako waver considerably. Since emotional states mostly dictate the strength of Anchors, everyone is unstable right now.

Behind the door, Magnus tries to calm Taako down. Taako had gotten up, thrown the ruined food away, and then started angrily arranging his clothes alphabetically.

“I’ll get you more food,” Magnus had started, getting up from his chair and heading for the door.

“No!” Taako growled, using a quick spell to knock him back into his chair. “Don’t bother, I’ve lost my appetite…”

“Taako, you need to eat.” Magnus tries again, standing up and moving to Taako’s side this time. “The doctor said every two hours.”

“Well we skip this one and eat in an hour then,” Taako responds in a clipped tone.

“No, we eat now and then in two hours.” Magnus holds his ground, crossing his arms.

“Fine!” Taako shouts, shoving him away so that he can reach the dresses. “Go get food then, I’ll still be here, fuming!”

Magnus sighs quietly, mostly sorry in Taako’s favor. He knows how stressed Taako has been, especially since he realized Lup was having trouble as well.

Magnus walks out into the hall, seeing Lup and Barry down the way talking together. While he is off getting Taako more food, Taako keeps arranging his clothes.

He’s already five minutes in when he realizes his hands are shaking. He ignores it for a total of three minutes before he realizes why they’re shaking and wipes the tears from his face. Covering his face and kicking the clothing rack, Taako then turns back to his bed.

Suddenly, he remembers that the doctor told him not to be alone. Taako distinctly remembers the doctor saying, “I wouldn’t recommend being alone, since the probability of you having another seizure is high right now. I think you should always have someone there just in case so that they can call for a nurse.”

Taako’s an idiot, he let himself be left alone, what a dumb stupid move!

Before even moving, though, he starts to ask himself way too many questions: how long will Magnus be? Should he open the door and just shout for someone? Should he call for Kravitz? What if he does have a seizure? But what if he doesn’t? Would it be okay to be left alone later then? What even causes him to have seizures? Does anybody even know what seizures really are? What kind of doctor can really know what’s wrong with him?

Taako purposefully slams his head into the door, trying to stop his overactive mind. All it does is hurt.

Who would find him if he had a seizure? Would they know what to do? What DO you do when you find someone having a seizure? Could he die from having a seizure?

That last question strikes a spike of anxiety deep into Taako’s heart, because, yes, he knows that you can die from having a seizure. If it lasts for more than two minutes or something like that, you can asphyxiate and possibly die. You can’t choke on your tongue, that’s not a thing, but you can absolutely die from a bad seizure.

Taako’s on the floor now, he’s not sure how he got there. Not like he’s had a seizure, but he’s just really dizzy now. His head is spinning and he can’t stop thinking.

He quickly shuffles away from the door because what if he passes out or has a seizure and they can’t open the door because he’s lying there like a doorstop? But he can’t stand up, what if he falls again and injures himself? But he can’t just sit on the floor, he has to tell someone what’s happening, but then again what’s happening?

All Taako can hear is his pounding heart, it’s like someone put his heart behind his eyes, who would do such a thing? Is he even getting enough blood to his brain? Is that why he’s having an anxiety attack?

Ah, yes, this is an anxiety attack, that’s what it must be. Taako remembers Lup explaining the symptoms. Yeah, this is an anxiety attack. What do you do when you have an anxiety attack? Taako doesn’t remember.

Damn his brain, damn his short attention span, and damn his lungs for not letting enough air in. Is he hyperventilating? Or is he not breathing enough? He should try to breathe less. No, more. Aw well, forget it, soon he’ll be passed out anyway. Perhaps he’ll dream this time.

But no, then Magnus will walk in and surely drop the food he just got him, all panicked and shouting. Taako had to look natural, as if he had just decided to take a nap on the floor. Yes, that should keep Magnus from freaking out, positioning yourself on the floor so that it looks totally natural that you’re there, that’ll work WONDERS Taako. Idiot.

Then what does he do? He can’t feel his limbs anymore so it’s probably a bad idea to try and use them, if they’re still there. He can hardly see now, which isn’t great. He can’t seem to figure out if he’s breathing right now, but he must be. Probably.

Then it’s dark. Then it’s light. Doctors, nurses, Kravitz, Magnus- shit. He must have had a seizure. Fucking brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost gave myself an anxiety attack writing this, lmao. It's probably because I've had coffee today. The first half was like really chill and okay, then Taako has an anxiety attack and my fingers basically started freezing from secondhand anxiety. Anyway, thank you for reading! I'm starting the next chapter right now! It'll be less dramatic, I promise!! Probably!!!


	6. Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After last episode's dramatic events, with Lup going nuclear and Taako having yet another Bad Fall, what could possibly happen this week? Well, they have a serious talk about seizures and weed. Also Taako remembers someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did RESEARCH for this chapter. Research on EPILEPSY and WEED. I am a SERIOUS AUTHOR. Also I'm posting this literally a month after I wrote it and the night before a final because I'm made of chaos.

Lup prides herself on her ability to stay cool. This was one time where she has no idea how, but she stayed cool. Nurses and doctors had ran down the hall after Magnus returned to Taako’s room and Barry had almost followed them. Something in Lup helped her grab his arm, shake her head, and calmly sit him back down. She rationally knew there was nothing she could do, and maybe it was a desperate attempt to save her life by a deity or something, but she listened to that rational voice like it was scripture.

Lup and Barry waited until the many nurses had calmly left the room, going over charts on their clipboards, until Taako’s doctor was the only one left in the room before getting up to go check up on everyone. She wasn’t sure what she would see, but she told herself that she was prepared for it. And she was.

Taako is sitting in bed, being held tightly by both Kravitz and Magnus, talking to the doctor. There is vomit on the floor, being cleaned by a random nurse Lup didn’t recognize. There is a broken plate of food that had been swept out of the way, surely dropped by Magnus.

Kravitz and Magnus looked so fearful, Taako looked focused on what the doctor was saying, but he also looked quite pale.

“…So, it seems like this seizure was worse than the last, then?” The doctor asks, Lup only hears the last half of his sentence.

“Yeah,” Taako says, nodding. “I had an anxiety attack and then I guess it happened.”

“Okay,” The doctor pauses, looking at his clipboard, then up, thinking. “I think it could be possibly that either something that happened during that attack or the anxiety attack itself could have caused it then.”

“Really?” Kravitz interjects.

“When you have Epilepsy,” The doctor starts, tucking his clipboard under his arm. “There can be a whole range of things that can cause seizures to happen. I’ve heard from people who have seizures as a result of an allergy, and I’ve heard stories from people who have seizures at seemingly random, stress-free times in their life. Like most things with the brain, it’s almost impossible to study. We don’t have a set reason why seizures ever happen, and we don’t have a way to cure Epilepsy either. We can theorize all day about what caused today’s seizure, but I’m betting it was the anxiety.”

“Where do we go from here, then?” Magnus asks, absently running a hand through Taako’s long hair.

“Well, if anxiety is the cause, managing that would be a great place to start.” The doctor pulls a small card out of his pocket. “I know a few doctors who can help in many different ways, it would all depend on how you would want to go about it.”

“How many options are there?” Lup asks, startling the doctor.

“Well, there’s medication, which could range from just anxiety medication to Epilepsy medication. There’s therapy, though I’d only recommend that to moderate anxiety patients, and I think your anxiety is severe. There’s also the choice of meeting with a magical specialist, but magical medicine is still quite behind non-magical medicine.”

“What do you recommend?” Taako asks.

“I would recommend medication, though with your Bulimia unchecked that could end badly…” The doctor thinks for a moment. “Actually, I would recommend you start with medical marijuana or hemp oil. It’s less dangerous than starting Epilepsy medication and is much easier to stop if it doesn’t work out.”

“Hell yeah,” Lup and Taako say at the same time, smiling like goofballs.

“Shut up,” Barry groans.

“And,” The doctor chuckles. “It would help immensely with increasing your appetite and helping you to keep food down.”

“Really?” Taako’s eyes are full of wonder.

“Yes, it’s actually been shown to help with cancer patients who lose their appetites due to chemotherapy.”

“Sick!” Taako shouts, making Magnus flinch away.

After this conversation, and after Taako finally gets to eat lunch, the doctor leaves to contact a different specialist on Epilepsy and treating it with medical marijuana or hemp oil.

Taako has been told to stay in bed for now to let himself calm back down and not put too much stress on himself. Kravitz had to leave for work but promised to visit again tomorrow morning. Magnus has now employed a nurse personally to get things for them, and now refuses to leave Taako’s side. Taako finds this unnecessary. 

Now, Taako and Magnus are sitting together in bed as the sun starts to set. Taako is watching Magnus read some book about architecture and trying not to fall asleep. The only thing keeping him awake at this point is the small giggle Magnus lets out every now and then. What is he laughing at? What on the great prime material plane can be so funny about architecture?

“Taako,” Magnus says, gently shaking him awake. “I know this is dumb, but this chapter is on using sculpture in architecture and- look at this building.”

Taako pries his eyes open, looking down at the picture in the book. The building has a Greek-inspired look, but the columns are made to look like people and each person from left to right gets shorter, in turn making the roof horribly slanted. Taako chuckles, mostly at Magnus’ expectant look.

“It’s just silly.” Magnus gets back into their previous position, pulling Taako back to rest against his broad chest. “Are you tired?”

“Mm.” Taako instantly cuddles back up to Magnus, ignoring his question in favor of shoving his face into Magnus’ shirt.

“Okay.”

Magnus reads for a while still, finding humor in gods know what, and eventually starts yawning. Taako counts seven yawns before he finally puts the book down to go to sleep too. He almost gets up to turn the lights off, but Taako mumbles a spell and the room is darkened. Magnus mutters something about being jealous, but Taako shushes him and tugs him down.

Magnus really can’t complain. Cuddling with Taako is never a decision you get to make for yourself. Anyone who Taako does cuddle with usually feels immensely lucky anyway. Taako is one hell of a cuddler.

The night is slept right through, and neither of them even slightly stir as an immense explosion happens elsewhere.

Where that explosion happens is hardly a mile away, in the current labs in use by the Bureau where Barry and Lup are right now. The explosion in question was the result of Barry’s attempt to create a stronger bond between him and Lup, but ultimately the whole thing fell apart when Barry almost felt the Anchor between him and Taako snap. It was just a huge discharge of saved up energy, nothing like what happened to Lup, but Lup is scared anyway when it happens.

“What the fuck dude?!” She shouts, her ethereal voice echoing in the wide open room.

“Sorry,” Barry groans, rubbing his head as he sits up from where he was thrown. “This whole thing was a bad idea.”

“What? Why?”

“I almost severed the Anchor to Taako,” Barry explains.

“Oh fuck, what?”

“I don’t know.” Barry looks to his book for answers, only finding a singed page about how to complete the ritual. The page fades before him as the book, like the rest of its many pages, goes blank again. “The book knows it was a mistake too, so maybe it has to do with our Bonds.”

“Ooh, spooky.” Lup grins, showing her slightly more animal-looking lich teeth. “Bonds are more powerful than Anchors, then?”

“I’m not sure.” Barry cleans up the mess he made, trying to figure out what that means. “It could mean that…”

“What?”

“Well, it could be that what we thought were Anchors were Bonds of a different kind.”

“Oh, y’know,” Lup bites her lip. “We shouldn’t have assumed that ‘Anchor’ meant the same thing here.”

“Yeah, good point…”

“So then, we formed Bonds of some sort back when we became liches… If the Bond almost broke, then, what does that change about what we know about them?”

“I think a better question is how we’re still alive if we never formed Anchors.”

Lup’s face couldn’t physically drain of blood, since right now she has none, but it surely would have.

“Holy fuck, babe,” Lup practically wheezes, floating over to him. “Then that means that… Either we’ve been wildly unstable and indescribably lucky this whole time, or…”

“Bonds are way stronger than we thought,” Barry says, finishing her thought.

“Maybe that explains why it was so easy to make Edward and Lydia so unstable…” Lup mutters to herself, now analyzing everything she can remember about that fight. “They never had Bonds.”

“Maybe. They also only had Anchors with each other, instead of setting up a support system of threes.” Barry opens his book again to a random page, but now all that’s written by the demon on the other side is a large question mark. “Sometimes I wish we weren’t the only ones in the planar system that understand Bonds.”

“We don’t understand them,” Lup corrects.

“Exactly.” Barry groans again, running a hand over his face. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Uh,” Lup hovers awkwardly as Barry makes for the door.

“Oh, fuck, right, sorry,” Barry would slap himself if he were talking to anyone else. “You can’t sleep, I’m sorry. Stay here?”

“Yeah,” Lup says, giving him a thumbs up. “And don’t forget to get that backup body from Lucretia, I would prefer being able to snuggle up to you again.”

“I’ll call her tomorrow morning,” Barry promises, a blush forming at her last statement. “Love you.”

“Love you more.” Lup blows a kiss, sending a small amount of energy at him.

“Goodnight.”

“Night, boo.”

Barry leaves the building, and Lup gets to work on researching all she can find on Anchors. Elsewhere, Kravitz stays up all night working overtime for the two reapers. Back at the hospital, Taako begins to drool on Magnus in his sleep. Magnus ignores it just long enough to fall asleep too, soon snoring as usual. Back at Magnus’ house, Angus locks the doors and windows, checks the stove to make sure it’s off, turns off all the lights except for his bathroom light, tucks himself in, and just barely stops himself from crying before falling asleep alone. Again.

The next morning, Taako wakes up instantly in a panic, startling Mangus and almost falling out of the bed.

“FUCK!” Taako yells. “ANGUS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if you liked this chapter! The next chapter was written way sooner than this one, I'm not even done with it yet. I probably won't post it for a while, knowing me... But I'll try to get it done sooner than a month from now. Also I'm working on other writings, so let me knowww if you wannnaaa..... read those too....... (I have one that's very Lup and Taako centered and I'm DYING to post that shit but I need to know people are going to read it...)
> 
> And as always, thank you for reading!!!!


	7. Ango

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter!!! I will not be posting any more of this story, but stay tuned for new different stories if you enjoy my writing!!!!!  
> Thank you so much for reading!!!

For some reason, Angus wasn’t surprised at first when he woke up in Taako’s arms. Then, he was very surprised. Taako was never one of the people he ended up in bed with on rainy nights, much less calm days. He hadn’t been around since they saved the world, so Angus got used to sleeping alone and sometimes being woken up by Magnus or his dogs.

So, when Angus looked up that morning and saw Taako, he was more confused than anything else. He was still in his bed, in his room in Magnus’ house, yet here, away from his hospital room, was Taako.

“Taako, sir?” Angus says quietly, trying not to scare him.

“Mm.” Taako hums, hiding his face in Angus’ hair and holding him closer.

Angus tries to figure out what to do. He can’t just let Taako be missing from the hospital, but he also was afraid to wake him up in case something was wrong. Luckily, Angus’ bag is near enough to his bed that he can reach into it and retrieve his stone of farspeech without jostling Taako too much.

Angus punches in the number to contact Magnus, and the situation changes in an instant. From the other line, not only does Magnus answer quickly and frantically, but Angus can hear shouting like people frantically searching for their lost patient.

“Angus?!” Magnus’ voice is on its way to shrill. “What’s wrong?!”

“Uh, well,” Angus says quietly. “Is Taako missing?”

“Is he with you?!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh thank god!”

The line goes dead before Angus can saying anything else, and there’s a beat where nothing happens. Then, with a loud ripping sound, Kravitz, Lup, Barry, and Magnus are all in Angus’ room, and Taako is woken up.

“Bitch, what the fuck,” Taako groans, rubbing his eyes.

“Taako what the hell were you thinking?!” Magnus all but shouts, rushing over to the bed.

“Sleeping…” Taako shoves his face into Angus’ hair.

Magnus is about to shout again, but Kravitz’s hand on his shoulder stops him. When Magnus looks up, Kravitz’s face is hopeful.

“Magnus, please come out in the hall with me.” Kravitz’s tone is measured, but notably excited.

As Magnus stumbles out with Kravitz, Angus turns his attention back to Taako, who is right back to sleep and snoring ever so slightly against his head. Things have been weird with him since they saved the world, but it almost seemed like him sleeping like this was unusual.

In the hallway, Kravitz was speaking quietly but ecstatically with Magnus.

“You said he hasn’t slept well lately, and I haven’t seen him sleep this well in months!” Kravitz fruitlessly tried to keep his voice down.

“I mean, yes, but he left the hospital without telling us.” Magnus, for once, was the pragmatist.

“When did he have time to leave without you knowing?”

“I think it was during breakfast,” Magnus says, closing his eyes to think about it. “I had gotten up to get food for him, we were in the cafeteria, and when I came back to our table he was gone.”

“Sounds like Taako,” Kravitz says idly.

“Earlier, he had woken up and was all worried about Angus because he hadn’t seen him in a while,” Magnus looks back into the room. “But I told him that it was okay, that Angus knows how to take care of himself and how to lock the doors and windows. I guess he didn’t care what I said.”

“Well,” Kravitz says gently. “If we can get Angus to follow us back to the hospital, maybe Taako will allow that?”

“Angus has work,” Magnus says, realizing how weird that sounds. HE doesn’t even have work. Why does Angus work? Wait, why is he letting this child work? When did this happen? 

“He shouldn’t be working…” Kravitz mutters.

“I know, look, let’s try convincing them to go back to the hospital.”

Back in Angus’ room, Lup was hovering near the bed, wanting so bad to touch her brother, to be able to. Her Anchor (or whatever it really was that was holding her together) was stronger now. She noticed it was always stronger when Taako slept. Reaching out her hand, she tries to feel his warmth, his energy, even his magical energy, anything. She comes back with a feint wisp of a possible feeling. She decides she hates not having a body anymore.

Barry tries to comfort her, putting a hand on Taako’s shoulder for her. Unknowingly, he makes Lup relentlessly jealous.

They stay quiet, just sharing glances with Angus and looking back to the sleeping, messy-haired form next to him. Then, Kravitz and Magnus come back into the room.

“Taako,” Kravitz calls gently, smiling when he barely stirs. “I know you’re awake. What if Angus came back to the hospital with you?”

Taako didn’t say anything, only lifting one shoulder very slightly before letting it slump back down.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Kravitz says, walking to the bed and hooking an arm under Angus’ waist and hoisting him up onto his hip. It’s slightly awkward, since Angus has grown a bit taller.

“Hey!” Taako grumbles, sitting up to try to grab Angus again.

Kravitz steps back, recalling his scythe and tearing a rift open to the hospital.

“Son of a bitch, give me back my boy!” Taako jumps out of the bed, running after Kravitz who has stepped through to the hospital where nurses and doctors are waiting.

The rift closes, and the three remaining people sigh in unison (sort of, it’s hard to sigh when you don’t need to breath and also have no lungs with which to push and pull air around).

Barry opens another rift to the hospital without saying anything. The air feels strangely tense for a reason none of them want to parse.

Magnus goes through first, then Lup, and last, Barry. Taako is already curled up in his bed with Angus, who is happily accepting a plate of food from a nurse and turning on the fantasy TV to watch his favorite detective show. Lup situates herself in the corner of the room, Fantasy Blair Witch style, doing nothing in particular (and worrying Barry immensely). Barry, who is now very worried for his S/O, sits near Lup and calls Lucretia on his stone, wanting to check up on Lup’s body. Kravitz is sitting next to Taako’s bed, staying for as long as he will be allowed by the Raven Queen. And lastly, Magnus is in the hall, talking with the doctor about the possible treatments and solutions.

Then, he’s signing something about those treatments and solutions. Then, he’s sitting in a chair in the hall, rubbing his tired eyes and yawning. Then, he’s standing up like he’s heard something explode, though he’s only trying to keep himself awake. Then, his shoulders slump. Then, he walks back into Taako’s hospital room and joins Kravitz next to Taako’s bed.

Kravitz gently takes Magnus’ hand and gives him a reassuring smile. Magnus is already asleep.


End file.
